It is usually sad when a relationship comes to an end, regardless of who made the choice. An already painful experience can often be made worse by feelings of anger, revenge, intolerance, resentment, and powerlessness. It is healthy to allow for those feelings, honour them and really feel them, however it is not always a wise choice to vent these feelings towards the person concerned. Unless the purpose of expressing such feelings is for personal understanding and amicable resolve, then perhaps try different ways of dealing with those feelings.

Lesson 1

Writing the feelings down in a journal or an unsent letter really helps to release and process uncomfortable feelings. Many a scathing letter has been unsent, much to the retrospective relief of the author.  Writing in this way can really release much of the pain and anger we are feeling, while helping our mind to make sense of events in a more structured way. If writing is not your cup of tea, perhaps try drawing, singing, or acting your feelings out. One way or another, try and allow those feelings to see the light and have expression in a safe manner.

Lesson 2

Wise words I heard from a loved one many years ago were, “Be careful not to blame

[him/her] completely for the breakdown of your relationship, or there may be the danger that you never look at yourself or how you contributed.” It can be really easy to place all the blame on another for a difficult relationship. Unless there were dangerous circumstances, allowing ourselves to self-reflect during this time can be very healthy. Looking inside for how we may have contributed to the damaged relationship creates a space where we can do or try something different in the next one. Offer yourself (and your next relationship) the gift of self-reflection.

Lesson 3

SPACE! It can be so important to allow ourselves some space once we have become single again. Sometimes people struggle with the idea of being alone, and rush into another relationship for self-soothing, which may not always be the most productive or fulfilling way to proceed. Ask yourself if you can bear being alone for a while, and maybe even give yourself a timeline. During that time, nurture and love yourself. Perhaps exercise, eat healthy, or even speak to a professional about your feelings. Take time to show yourself that love originates internally and grow that as an honouring of you.

While sometimes relationship breakdown can cause pain, often it allows a space for something better and more in alignment with our true desires to occur. Offering ourselves the above gifts in order to really learn may bring an unexpected perspective on life and the self. Stay curious and kind, especially to yourself!