Breaking up with someone is not only painful, but can impact your future relationships too. Allowing yourself to grow and learn from a break up can enhance your next relationship while giving you the important space to recover. Spending some time and getting to know yourself better will make a big difference to the way relationships pan out in future. Making a clean break and doing what you need to in order to recuperate is paramount to your relationships.

 1. Take the time to heal

Moving directly into another relationship after a break up denies you some really important time to heal. It is tempting to move on quickly because then you can avoid feeling those painful emotions, but without healing there is the danger of using the next relationship to heal the wounds from the one before. Give yourself some time to heal. Decide on a date for when you will get back up and date again and then embrace being single for a while.

 2. Feel the feelings

There are so many methods to avoid experiencing tender emotions. They are uncomfortable and often you think that it is better to feel good. But allowing yourself to feel the pain is an important part of the break up process. Grief is inevitable when you lose a relationship and if you stop it from happening it is going to remain unresolved within. Set aside dedicated time to feel and reminisce before you move on.

3. Talk about it 

You don’t want to bad mouth the other person, but talking about your experiences helps you to deal with the break up in a different way. When you talk about something your brain is able to make sense of what has happened more clearly. Take some time with a trusted confidant and discuss how you feel about the break up and the things you felt during the relationship.

4. Own your part

It takes two to tango, few relationships fail solely because of one person (unless there is domestic violence or mental health issues.) Looking back and recognising the ways in which you played a part in the failure of the relationship improves your chances of making better choices in the next relationship. Check out your patterns and modus operandi in relationships and see if they are serving you.

 5. Know what you want in future

Having a good understanding of the kind of person you want to be with and being discerning about whom you choose to spend time dating is important after a break up. Knowing the qualities and characteristics of another person that will compliment you can make the next relationship more successful. Let yourself go out with a few people before deciding to get into another relationship and notice what seems to fit and what doesn’t.

Even though it is sore when a relationship ends, it is an amazing opportunity for growth. Tempting as it may be to blame the other person, self-reflection is the only way that your future relationships will work out differently. Understanding what went wrong in an objective way not only makes a difference to your next relationship, but can make you a better partner too.