Workshops to learn how to increase intimacy, or how to be a better lover are becoming more common. Many people believe they are experiencing great sex, but learning about the art of sex through Tantra, or other skills, can become a sex game changer. For some people, sex is never the same again. Before learning how to have optimal sex, many women in particular, experience mediocre sex, hence their desire to seek out deeper sexual experiences.

Often people believe that sex is good when they have sex with someone who is attentive and skilled as a lover, but unless people have peak sexual experiences brought about through studying sexual arts they may struggle to understand how sex can change. My research has shown that those who desire a deeper sexual experience and are motivated to learn and acquire new skills have an inkling that there must be something better than the sex they are having, but don’t know what it actually looks or feels like.

Often, those who have great sex before learning how to have optimal sex have had good sexual experiences, which is how they realise that there is more to sex than they may be experiencing. Those incidences tend to arise by mistake, without any effort or consciousness around why it works. It is for this reason that many people place the responsibility of great sex on the other person; because they don’t believe they could have great sexual experiences alone. These experiences become motivation for learning more about optimal sex.

When people learn about optimal sex, part of the understanding is around realizing the full sexual potential of their own body. They understand that the first step towards great sex is to have it with themselves first. Once they get to know their body in a deeply appreciative sexual manner, then they find they can connect more deeply with another and be present to the sexual experience.

Some differences that people notice about their sexual experiences after actively learning how to have great sex are:

  • Increased sensitivity in the entire body
  • Increased comfort in remaining in the plateau stages of sex, rather then rushing towards orgasm
  • Increased sexual excitement at pleasuring another
  • Desiring less stimulation of the genitals during sex and more whole body touch
  • Slow and light touch of the genitals increases orgasmic capacity
  • The ability to orgasm through hugs or kissing
  • Longer and more intense orgasms (sometimes longer than 15 minutes)
  • Realising that sex is not simply a physical act
  • Less focus on “doing” more focus on “being”
  • Understanding that foreplay begins as soon as the last sexual experience is over

Those who attend courses or workshops learn many skills including the importance of being present to themselves before engaging sexually. Taking the time to feel into the body and notice where they feel any tension or observe their emotions within guides them to know whether sex is actually what we want at the time. So many people use sex as a distraction from their feelings, but getting present to their feelings allows them to appreciate the sexual experience.

If you are thinking of going to learn about how to have better sex, or to learn skills relating to optimal sex, ensure you do your research first and feel comfortable with what you choose. Learning about sexuality and getting in touch with your sensuality is often vulnerable work, so be sure that you are prepared for the journey ahead.