How often do we exit a relationship, only to enter another one with the assumption that because we are with someone different the relationship will succeed? It can make sense considering at least one of the variables has changed. Often we leave relationships and expect that if we had been with someone who was just a little more… something, or just a little less… something else, then things could have worked out. We will often find qualities or traits which our previous partner did not possess and seek them out in another, assuming this will solve painful aspects of the previous relationship. But does this really work, or is it more important for us to look within to seek the reasons for our relationship failures?

Self-enquiry is a very useful way to process the end of a relationship, though may take a little time. Relationship termination can cause considerable grief and having the time and space to mourn for the relationship can be an important part of our personal journey. It may seem tempting to move from one relationship straight into another, especially if we are not used to being on our own. Finding that comfort and warmth in another while we feel those gorgeous honeymoon feelings can seem the perfect antidote to a painful break up. Yet so often, within a few months of the next relationship, we can find ourselves experiencing a kind of déjà vu where things may not seem so different after all. And this is when it might be pertinent to go deeper within to understand they ways in which we may contribute to relational disquiet.

Taking the time to explore they ways in which we behave or act out within relationships can really enhance future relationships. Knowing our blind spots and having the courage to own up to them and face them could significantly change what we experience. Checking back and seeing places where we have found that our relationships tend to create pain in similar ways might illuminate aspects of ourselves which could be improved. Gentleness is the key here, because sometimes pain can make us want to reject those things which we believe to have contributed. Balance is important as it honesty and courage. Ask yourself: “Am I doing this to avoid painful situations in future?” You will know yourself well enough to know the answer. Inner wisdom can be a great guide and if we allow ourselves to have the time and space to listen to our intuition, we may find that we transform our relationships.