Some interesting questions have been raised on our Facebook page recently, particularly regarding desire discrepancy within relationships. Desire discrepancy occurs when partners have a notably different level of desire for sex within the relationship. It is often assumed that the male partner would be the member of the relationship with a higher desire for sex, however most of the enquiries received by Conscious Intimacy are from women who desire more sex within their relationship.
First off, it is important to note that approximately half of married couples will experience some form of desire discrepancy, which means that if you are in this situation, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! It is normal for relationships to go through ebbs and flows regarding desire for sex and connection; and it is important that these times are managed in an honest and open manner from the outset. Discussing one’s feelings honestly about the current circumstances. Creating a space where such a conversation can occur by committing time and energy might allow for more intimacy, potentially increasing connection and possibly even resolving the issue.
For women who are dissatisfied with the amount of sex they have in their relationship, one suggestion could be to start to connect with yourself, initially, in order to understand the part of you that feels this dissatisfaction. Often women rely on the connection with their partner to feel desired and sexy, however accessing your connection with yourself for this purpose may remove a significant amount of pressure that could be present within the relationship. Making a space for oneself to feel those warm and delicious waves of desire might satisfy much of the need felt for connection and intimacy. Taking responsibility for one’s own needs within the relationship increases the space for initiative which the other partner might not currently feel. Removing the pressure that could be created by a wanting partner may enhance the others appetite for connection.
Finally, taking a realistic look at the relationship could also assist partners to understand what external circumstances might be impacting them in the bedroom. Life events such as: moving house, losing or getting a new job, having children, and aging can all impact the sexual repertoire within a relationship. Have a look at recent events and check in that you are not being too hard on either yourself or your partner about what might be a natural response to stressful life events.