Recently The Sunday Telegraph conducted a “Let’s Talk About Sex” survey which showed some interesting results. Of the over 1200 respondents, 74% of women claimed to have faked an orgasm during sex. Which leads to some interesting questions. Why do some women fake their orgasms? What makes women feel as though they should fake an orgasm? And what are we telling ourselves about our orgasm if we fake it?
Research suggests that it might be due to the difficulty with which women can sometimes experience in achieving orgasm. Some women have difficulty achieving orgasm unless there is additional stimulation to the clitoris, which is a large organ with over 8000 nerve endings, designed purely for pleasure. While some women report achieving vaginal orgasms, it is likely that these are also clitoral orgasms, with the clitoris being stimulated internally. Don’t be afraid to ask your lover for assistance in achieving your orgasm, whether it is internally or externally.
Often women feel pressure from their partner to orgasm during sex. Pleasuring a woman is such a wonderful feeling, that often partners don’t believe they have done a “good enough” job of sex unless their lover has an orgasm. And while it is wonderful to know that so many lovers out there wish for real pleasure, sometimes it might be more difficult, or take something different to help her reach orgasm. Feeling the pressure to have an orgasm can also really inhibit the physical body, as it then creates a stress response from the pressure. Having an orgasm under stress is highly unlikely, as the body requires sufficient relaxation to achieve such pleasure. Perhaps each partner’s desire to please encourages women to fake their pleasure?
This pressure could also lead to embarrassment for a women, believing that she is “orgasmically deficient” in some way, which is more incentive to fake her orgasm. With porn displaying women often as highly and easily aroused and orgasmic, comparisons might be drawn in her mind. She may think that she should look like those actors in porn, and believe that if she does not, then she is not a good enough lover. It cannot be stressed enough that porn is a movie and a fantasy. Seldom are women exactly as we see in such media, and it may be important to honour individuality. Though some may find it fun to watch porn, it is highly likely that the actors there are faking their orgasms too, that is their job!
Creating a relaxed, pressure free environment is an optimum way to encourage female orgasm. Faking it might feel easier sometimes to please your lover, but in the long run it is simply a way to reduce one’s own pleasure. If sex is less than satisfying, maybe create a space to have a conversation about this outside of the boudoir, when perhaps egos or agendas are less intense. Showing your lover how to pleasure you by example may also be another way to help them understand how your body works. Finally, most of us value honesty in our relationships, and pretending you are experiencing pleasure can be deceptive. Keep communication open, stay true to yourself, and breathe deeply into relaxation – perhaps you might discover your orgasmic-ness like never before.