Watch any movie featuring a sex scene and we would believe that every sexual encounter ends with orgasm. But many women struggle to orgasm, often faking them. We often compare our patterns of arousal to the male model, expecting our bodies to perform in the same way. But this only underestimates the full potential we hold to experience deep and prolonged orgasms. Being a sex therapist, I see a lot of women who want to have better orgasms. In fact, some women haven’t ever had an orgasm before and want to learn how. What I usually tell them is that it takes practice to discover your orgasm. It isn’t as straight forward as it is for most men, so exploring your body is important if you want to know the kind of pleasure it can feel. Trying some of these suggested exercises could just help you to finding your orgasmic bliss, or even realising different ways that orgasm can be felt.

No pressure

Pressure is the last thing your body needs to orgasm. When you feel pressure, you get stressed, which kicks your fight or flight hormones into action. Just like you wouldn’t be open to sexual pleasure if you were having a busy and stressful day, your body isn’t open to orgasm when it feels pressure. The key to preparing your body for orgasm is to relax. One way to do this is to forget about the orgasm and focus on what is being felt in every moment. Letting go of the goal and being present often yields surprising results.


Breathing deeply can show your body that you are relaxed and also induce the release of a vital hormone called oxytocin, without which it can be difficult to orgasm. Taking time to breathe deeply for a while before you orgasm and remaining with that breathe until orgasm sends the sensations right through your entire body. Rather than tensing your body up to achieve orgasm, relax into the feeling and breathe. It may take a while longer to get there, but the quality of climax becomes intensified.

Get moving

We all know the health benefits of exercise, but did you know it can also help you to feel orgasms more intensely? Just like physical movement gets blood flowing to the heart, it also get blood flowing into the vagina and vulva, making your genitals more open to sensation. Women who exercise report better orgasms because it boosts testosterone, making you more ready and interested in sex. Move during sex too. Writhing your hips can send the pleasurable sensations all over your body. Feeling those gorgeous tingling sensations up your abdomen and down your legs gets you entire body prepared for climax.


What the hell are Kegels I hear you say? Well, they are like a workout for your pelvic floor, strengthening the muscles making them more receptive to pleasure. Make them part of your daily routine and in a short time you will noticeably feel the difference in genital sensations. How the hell do I do them, I hear you ask? It is pretty simple really. Kegels are the tensing and releasing of the pelvic floor muscles. You use them often, particularly when you need to go to the loo. Next time you are on the loo, stop and start the flow of your urine and you have discovered your pelvic floor muscles. Tense and release these muscles a few times a day for 20 repetitions and you will be on your way to orgasmic bliss in no time.

Express it!

Expressing dissatisfaction in life comes fairly easily; yet expressing satisfaction seems a little harder. Your brain is wired to look for the negative, because it keeps you safe. While expressing pleasure may be more difficult, it could make a big difference to your orgasms. Start slow with a few moans and groans when you are feeling good and see where your voice takes you as the pleasure intensifies.

We all deserve to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life, yet often sex is the last thing on our to do list. Prioritising sex and enjoying orgasms is good for you in many ways and has a lot of health benefits. Trying the above suggestions could change how you feel about enjoying sex and making time for intimacy.