Contrary to popular belief, having an amazing sex life isn’t about positions, fantasies, experience or experimentation. The key to a happy relationship is a fulfilling sex life and now new research is showing that sexually satisfied couples aren’t necessarily the kinkiest in the bedroom. Sometimes plain old vanilla sex hits the spot if you keep one thing in mind.

A recent study examined over 300 couples to find out what makes sex satisfying in relationships, with interesting results. Researchers chose three elements to couples’ sexual routines and noticed a particular behavior that stood out above the rest. The most sexually satisfied couples are those who enjoy giving their partner what they want in bed and who believe their partners have similar sexual preferences.

As with many things in life, considerateness often makes relationships easier and more fulfilling. Being aware of your partner’s needs and taking them into account can open up relationships and make both partners feel closer and more intimate. So it makes sense that consideration of the other in the bedroom can make sex more enjoyable. Though sometimes seem to miss the mark because communication is poor.

It is important to talk about sex and discuss your needs and desires with your partner if you are to become a sexually satisfied couple. Telling them what you like and don’t like sexually deepens your connection as well as allowing you both to know one another better. Bearing in mind that sexual preferences change over time is important too. As you mature or experience hormonal cycles, you may notice that certain sexual acts become more or less appealing. Being able to communicate such changes will enhance your love life.

If you feel unsure of what your partner enjoys then ask them. Sometimes it feels awkward to talk about sex, but when done with compassion you can potentially learn a lot about your partner that you didn’t know. However, it is important to be open to receiving feedback. It can feel personal if your partner says that they would like something different sexually, but keeping it honest and open without attachment to ego makes it easier.

As a sex therapist, I often find myself saying to my clients “have you said that to them.” My clients tell me their feelings and desires in their relationships, but so often don’t tell their partner. Therapy is a unique space to discuss your personal experiences, but if you don’t talk about your feelings with your partner then it is unlikely that things will change. Letting your partner know what you enjoy in bed and asking them in return will move you towards being a sexually satisfied couple.

Once you have a mutual understanding of what each partner enjoys sexually, then it is important to make the effort to change any sexual patterns that may be inhibiting satisfaction. Even couples who have been together for many years can discover a exciting new dimension to their sex lives. Becoming a sexually satisfied couple can increase your overall relationship satisfaction. Knowing your partner’s sexual wants and desires can make both of you better lovers and bring the passion back into your sex lives.

If you are struggling to communicate about sex or unsure where to start your conversation, make an appointment with me today to learn how to become a sexually satisfied couple.