After the delicious honeymoon period at the beginning of our relationship, so many couples lose interest in sex, often wondering there is something wrong with the relationship. But there isn’t, usually it is the quality of sex they are having which causes them to feel bored with sex. Finding ways to revamp your sex life may be all it takes to spark those fires of love once again.
Sex is supposed to be fun, right? Well, apparently not always, and the biggest desire killer is monotony, says sex researcher Esther Perel. But it can be difficult to get creative with lovers, considering our busy lifestyles. After making so many decisions during the day and tending to so many needs and requirements from others, it is understandable that we don’t want to feel pressure to make an effort when it comes to sex. We would prefer to simply feel the pleasure; although when that is no longer occurring then it becomes easy to lose interest in sex altogether. When we expect sex to be unfulfilling, we will naturally lose our desire to have sex.
Quality is the key
We often measure a “successful” love life by the quantity of sex a couple has, but perhaps this is not accurate. Yes, if sex is mind-blowing and both parties are interested and excited by sex then that is great, though often in long-term relationships this isn’t the case. Couples may say that they are having regular sex, but that they have little interest in sex. They tend to report feeling confused because they feel so much love, and yet their sexual desire seems to have gone astray. While low desire is not a relationship breaker, it can be a warning sign that their sex life needs to be revitalised.
Some women explain that there is no longer an incentive in sex, which is is sad in many ways, as women possess more erogenous zones than men. So perhaps this is part of the reason? Often men tend to want to get to the hot spots and dive right in, while women usually require patience, attention and eroticism during sex. Research shows that not only do women have far more pleasure spots; they are also aroused by a much greater array of stimuli. When sex becomes methodical or predictable, women will naturally lose desire. So how can you ensure that desire remains alive in a long-term relationships?
One of the best ways to make sex more exciting is to mix things up a little. Making small changes such as location, duration or activity can make a big difference to sexual satisfaction in long-term relationships. Also, experimenting with ideas such as role-playing or domination and submission can certainly add eroticism to your sexual experiences. These kinds of games may not suit everybody, but introducing novelty, even in subtle ways, can increase sexual excitement. Even the simple addition of sexy music playing in the background can stimulate the senses and make sexual encounters more thrilling.
Ultimately, with a little commitment to time and creativity, sex can be as exciting as it was initially. Removing assumptions about how sex will transpire, and approaching it with curiosity can enhance sexual encounters. Keeping an open mind and heart changes how you perceive your partner, potentially re-awakening the excitement you feel towards them and, essentially, reigniting the passionate desire you once felt.