Premature ejaculation can be a common problem among heterosexual men, particularly younger men. Often clients report severe distress arising from their inability to last as long as they desire during lovemaking. Before beginning to explore the problem, there are a few things explained which can hopefully help to normalise the situation. For starters, the average man lasts between two to four minutes when in the full thrust of intercourse. Understanding this can really help because sometimes the fear of ejaculating too early can create performance anxiety, which only leads to further problems. From an evolutionary perspective, this time frame makes perfect sense. Human instinct to inseminate another as quickly as possible is the safest way of ensuring procreation without remaining in the “dangerous” coital position. Only since we have evolved to create a safer environment for ourselves has sex become a protracted pastime.
Often prolonging sex involves varying the rhythm, speed and pace of sexual intercourse. Men explain that they feel reluctant to do so as they perceive their partner to be enjoying the moment and potentially close to orgasm, however women are capable of being pleasured in a multitude of ways. Exploring other ways to pleasure your partner can be a useful tool in prolonging the time of intercourse. When it feels as though you are reaching the “point of no return”, stop. Allow time for a breather by using other techniques to arouse your lover. As a partner of someone who experiences PE, it may be useful to encourage your lover to find other ways of enjoying your body which doesn’t always include penetration. Show him what else he can do to arouse you during those moments when he requires a break.
Another technique useful for lasting longer is to practice alone. Take some private time to masturbate while exploring the different levels of arousal which occur in your body. Scale your arousal from zero to ten (with ten being ejaculation) and then explore each of those phases – be mindful of what it feels like, what is happening physiologically (heartbeat, sweating), and where you mind goes during each stage. Mastering yourself through awareness and understanding can then be brought into lovemaking situations and enhance the ability to remain cognisant of each of your levels of arousal, creating a bigger gap between sexual enjoyment and the inevitable orgasm. Practicing masturbation mindfully not only creates deeper understanding of your own desire and arousal, it also allows a more conscious space during sex. Mindful sex can be the most pleasurable kind as this allows one to immerse fully into the physiological aspects of sex without distracting thoughts.
Finally, it is important not to beat yourself up about how long you can have sex for before ejaculation. Those kinds of thoughts are only destructive and can compound the situation. Once you start to worry about not lasting long enough, this can be the only thing on your mind during sex and can actually create a situation where there is little or no control. Be kind with yourself; understand that it is natural to come fairly quickly and that it takes practice to extend lovemaking. Curiosity is the key here and an exploration of the self might help immeasurably.