Masturbation is not often spoken about, particularly among women, however almost all of the clients I see enjoy this sensual pastime. There has been a lot of shame placed around the topic, so much so that myths regarding masturbation include that you will go blind or get hairy palms of you engage with self pleasuring. It is however one of the most wonderful ways to connect and achieve intimacy with both yourself and your lover.

Pleasuring yourself alone creates a connection to your body that nothing else can achieve. Connection to the body is so important for a vital and healthy life. While this can be achieved through exercise and other pursuits, nothing allows you to really feel yourself like masturbation (not even sure if an excuse the pun is required here?) Getting to know your own body is a first step towards enhancing intimacy with another, as the more we connect with ourself, the more we create a space to connect with a lover.

Often couples come to me and discuss their sexual discrepencies, explaining (usually in their individual sessions) that their lover seems to miss the spot most of the time. One way to ensure that your partner knows what you enjoy and how you like to be touched is to show them through masturbation. Allowing them into this unknown part of your sexuality can show them the ways in which you like to receive and create pleasure in your body. A mutual masturbation session can really enhance your intimate connection while educating the other into the subtleties of your unique body.

Another advantage which showing your lover what you like through masturbation is the level of vulnerability this takes. Vulnerability breed intimacy within relationships, and showing your partner the way in which you enjoy being touched could feel rather vulnerable. Allowing ourselves to move through the discomfort of being seen in such an intimate way may really allow our partner to see us in a new light. As life gets busy and stressful, we may find that we create an armour to protect ourselves from stress. Shedding the shield and getting vulnerable could let your partner in just a little more. The benefits of which may be expansive.

Gently broaching the conversation (outside the bedroom) as a fun way to explore and get to know one anothers’ bodies could gently introduce the idea. Creating a romantic space, such as lighting scented candles and playing soft music might set the mood for a beautiful love making session. Don’t be afraid to explain what it is that is giving you pleasure while you masturbate so your lover knows exactly what it is that turns you on. Enjoy each other and be gentle with one another – you never know how it may change the way you relate sexually.