There are so many places where people can learn new ways to spice up their sex life – magazines, blogs, online forums, Facebook and so much more. Then, every different place each has it’s own particular perception of what it is that enhances sex and what makes for a satisfying sexual relationship. Some promote a variation of positions, some endorse using sex toys while others imply that kink or fetishism is the answer. Attempting to cater to such a variety of unique people can almost leave one feeling lost as to what it really is that makes a difference sexually. It is useful to remember that much of the generic information available lacks subjective consideration, and what might be normal or healthy for one person may be the opposite for another. Try to check in internally when receiving such information to see if it feels right and if it resonates internally.

Often, when we stumble across a sexual movement, position, or action which seems to turn our lover into a quivering pile of ecstatic jelly, we assume that we have encountered a winning move. We attach to the idea that this particular idea turns us into a sexual expert and have a tendency to then repeat said manoeuvre with enthusiasm and vigour. And while this might show results for a while, often such repetition can leave the other feeling like a predictable old book which has been read over and over. Taking the time to explore with a variety of touches, caresses, fondles and actions may allow you to find a vast variety of pleasurable experiences. These new encounters may allow you to really expand on your sexual repertoire and illuminate even more ways in which your lover can experience pleasure.

As human beings, we do tend to become attached to repetitive behaviours because our reptilian brain is easily tricked – much like Pavlov’s dogs were – into believing that reward will transpire from the same behaviour time and time again. And fortunately we are human beings, with the capacity for an abstract thought process, which means we can reflect on our actions and discard the reward/repetition behaviour when we feel it has become stale. ASK your lover if they still enjoy the same things they once did – experiment with alternative ways of showing them your love and passion.  We all have the capacity to instinctively read those whom we feel close with. After all, 80% of communication is non-verbal – use those intuitive skills. It may come as a marvellous epiphany to you both that simple somatic inquiry could boost your sexual relationship to new heights.