Blowjobs are one of the most beautiful expressions of intimacy and love for a partner or lover. For men, receiving a blowjob can be one of the most arousing aspects of their sexual experiences, supported by the old adage: “There’s no such thing as a bad blow job.” For women, offering this gift mindfully can create sensations through her body that enhance and increase her feelings of sexual pleasure. Sometimes women report that they get more arousal from giving their partner head than from any other kind of foreplay activity. I can only imagine that for gay men it must be very enjoyable to give your partner something you know you would enjoy as much.

Observing sexual pleasure in others makes up a large part of our sexual desires, so surely being the one who is administering such pleasure is even better? To gain such enjoyment from offering a blowjob, one needs to be exceptionally mindful and present during the act. If you are pleasuring your partner’s penis simply for them, then you probably won’t enjoy it as much. Getting into the mindset that you are pleasuring him for your stimulation can really change what you feel when you give him a blowjob. These simple steps might allow you to both give and receive more pleasure when you are going down on your man.

  1. Permission

Firstly, always ask permission first. You may be in the mood to pleasure your partner, but check in with him if it is the right time. If he isn’t in the mood, then don’t be disappointed. Allowing a space in a relationship for either partner to say no without consequence removes many unnecessary barriers regarding sex. Knowing that you both have the freedom to take a rain check creates much more trust and intimacy in your sexual relating than if you react negatively to their “no.”

  1. Use Your Eyes

Before you even start, look at your partner’s penis. I love it when clients tell me that they think their partner’s penis is beautiful! Have a real, proper look. Notice its contours, size, colour, firmness, hairiness. Drink up his magnificent penis with your eyes. Notice his scrotum. What does that look like? Does it make you want to giggle? Whatever arises for you, embrace it. In honouring his penis with your eyes, you begin to realise the complexities of this amazing part of the body.

  1. Use Your Hands

Slowly begin to touch his penis with your hands. Treat it gently, as though it is a very delicate and treasured item. Again, using your sense of touch, soak it all in. Feel it in every possible way you can and notice every sensation beneath your fingertips. Stroke around the whole area: include his belly and thighs here too. Notice what is happening. Is he becoming firmer? Is he showing signs of pleasure through breath or movement? And importantly, what is it like for you to notice these things? Does it turn you on?

  1. Use Your Breath

Before you begin the blowjob, gently blow on and around his penis and pubic area. Start further away and slowly get closer and closer. Again, be present and mindful, not only to what is happening for your partner, but what is happening within yourself as well.

  1. Use Your Mouth

Gently start to use your mouth on his penis. Use your tongue and your lips. Often when people don’t enjoy offering oral pleasure, it is very evident to the receiver as they avoid certain areas or using their lips. If you are willing to explore the idea of the expansive nature of oral pleasure, then dive in! But gently at first! Just a flick of the tongue, or a chaste kiss in the beginning could intensify his sensations. Again, be present to taste, texture, smells, sensations. By now your partner is likely very aroused (whether he has an erection or not) and it is highly possible that you are too. Once you have your mouth on his penis, just explore. Trying different things such as varying pressure or speed. Remain aware of his responses and use your intuition as to what he prefers.

  1. Use Your Words

So often people struggle to communicate about sex, particularly during sex, but how else will you know if your partner is happy with what is happening? Just like you asked permission initially, ask if they are enjoying it. Ask if they might prefer something different. Ask them if there is any discomfort. Don’t be afraid to gauge your partners pleasure by asking. Most people are very happy to know that their lover is so considerate.

  1. Use Your Brain

Many people would believe that for a blowjob to be good, it would have to have the inevitable ending, but this is not true. Blowjobs can end in many different ways. You could move to intercourse, or manual stimulation. If you really wanted to up the ante you could stop before his climax and let him take a turn giving you oral stimulation. You could make a game of this, and see how many turns each of you can take before you explode. Or, you could simply lay back and cuddle.

  1. Use Your Respect

Ensure that you are fully comfortable with whatever arrangement you have with your partner regarding ejaculation BEFORE the mindful oral pleasuring. If you need him to warn you if he is going to ejaculate so you can change your tactic, then tell him that. If you are comfortable for him to ejaculate in your mouth, tell him that too. Whatever you prefer is okay, because remember, this is for your pleasure too.

  1. Use Your Judgment

This myth that all sexual activity must end in climax often derails people. Expectations are set up and then when they are not met, disappointment ensues. People can feel inadequate that they haven’t had an orgasm, or feel as though they are not doing it right if their partner didn’t have an orgasm. If you remove all the hype around orgasm, you create an environment that facilitates relaxation and enjoyment. Sometimes it is good enough to just feel those amazing sensations without focusing on the goal!