Often we assume that the things which help us feel loved must surely be the same for our loved ones. An interesting book written many years ago, Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, suggests that we all need or want to receive love in unique ways. Regardless of the actual love felt for us, depending on our childhood or personality type, sometimes we might be more accepting of love if it is shown to us in a way which we can better interpret. Knowing one’s love language can often increase relationship satisfaction and improve interactions with one’s partner. So which love language do you prefer?
1. Words of Affirmation
Sometimes we are told that actions speak louder than words, however, some people may really enjoy having their partner verbally express their feelings. This might depend on how one felt when their parents praised them verbally. If you find yourself turning a bit mushy inside when your lover tells you how attractive you are, or admires they way you do certain things, then perhaps this is the way in which you feel most loved.
2. Acts of Service
A few studies have shown that when housework is shared in equal measure, sexual and relationship satisfaction improves. For some people this may true, although we are all unique. However, if you find yourself feeling warmth and connection towards your partner when they vacuum or make you a lovely meal without prompting, then perhaps acts of service maximise your feelings of being loved.
3. Receiving Gifts
Most of us enjoy receiving a gift from another person, we feel special and considered, especially if it is given without a special occasion such as a birthday. Though some people may really hanker after receiving material gifts from their partner. If you notice that your connection deepens when a gift is received – perhaps a chocolate bar or jewellery – then maybe this is your love language.
4. Quality Time
Do you fantasise about a day where you both skip work to extend the weekend and continue spending time together in way which deepens connection? Some people might enjoy having an entire day in bed with their partner and wish this could occur regularly. If you feel loved when your partner takes time out to be with you, then perhaps quality time is an important part of relationship.
5. Physical Touch
Most of us are aware of the healing powers that physical touch can have – even touching animals is used as a healing method. Maybe you become warm and fuzzy inside when your partner approaches you for a hug? Or feel really ravished when your lover takes your hand and leads you to the bedroom on an idle afternoon? Consider then that physical touch could be your language of love.
Becoming aware of our love language may really serve to enhance relationships. Understanding the ways in which you feel loved and observing times when you feel as though you melt into your partner just that little bit more might indicate what you require or desire to feel loved. Making space for a conversation illuminating each person’s ideal acts of love can enhance intimacy and connection. Perhaps ask your partner when they feel most loved by you and then try to show them your love in a way that they are more available to receive.