Turn ons and turn offs are such personal aspects of our sexual personality, yet so vital to a healthy sex life. Sometimes we may hear something that turns another person on, and just wonder what could be so erotic about such a thing. Some people really find feet arousing, others may find a little bondage erotic, while others might secretly desire a spanking now and again. Knowing what turns us both on and off can have such an impact on how much we enjoy sex. Allowing the space for contemplation of those things that we enjoy sexually combined with a little experimentation could heighten sexual experiences, while promoting bonding with your lover.
Often, because we have been socialised to keep our sexuality under wraps, we can have little idea what turns us on. Sometimes I encourage my clients to fantasise about sexual situations. Allowing ourselves to day-dream about sexual scenarios can increase desire for sex, as well as offer information to enhance sexual self knowledge. Thinking in this way can illuminate the kind of acts which are sexually and subjectively attractive to you. Remembering that these fantasies are completely in your head, with no requirement for acting upon can expand boundaries. It may surprise you what comes into your head, and remember that if it violates or crosses any boundaries, it is important that it stays in your head!
Keeping eroticism alive in relationships certainly takes work and it can be important to remain seductively connected with a lover. Eroticism can be very exciting and in combination with the safety of an intimate relationship can serve to amplify feelings of love, connection and bonding. What can sustain sexual excitement in a relationship is the idea of mystery. We may believe that we know all there is to know about our lover, and then suddenly they try something different. Realising that there are still aspects of your partner which can surprise you could create a refreshed perspective. Creating time and space for private time to be spent erotically could spice things up in ways you only dreamed possible.
Allowing a space where you can get to know your own turn ons – desires, fantasies, erotic thoughts and sexiness is the start to amplifying chemistry in the boudoir. A private exploration of your mind, body and heart could increase your desire and desirability. Go somewhere that you love (maybe in nature) and feel the elements against your skin, feel the aliveness in your heart and make the connection with your sexuality. Keep looking out for what turns you on and remain aware of what turns you off, and then take that back to your lover and share your erotic desires.